A New Path to Walk
by SailorOfStars
Summary: Hollyfur's life has ended, and now she needs to accept a new path among the stars. Oneshot, original characters, canon Clans.


Darkness felt like newleaf. Hollyfur would have shaken her head. What a silly thought. Darkness couldn't feel like anything, it was simply the absence of light. Yet somehow, it made sense to her now, that it would have a feeling. And right now, it felt like newleaf.

Old Hollyfur would have shaken her head again, maybe even given a disapproving meow. You couldn't feel a season. Had something ever felt like leafbare, or greenleaf, or leaf-fall? No, she recalled, never. But now she was feeling something similar to newleaf, whatever that felt like.

She thought again, trying to _feel_ newleaf. Newleaf was when the flowers bloomed and buds were on all the trees. The brown grass was slowly fading and bright green shoots were taking its place. Pollen floated on the light breeze through the trees and undergrowth. The air was warm, and the skies were often filled with puffy white clouds, like down feathers, propelled through the sky by a cool wind. Rain fell frequently, leaving a sharp, wet, earthy smell all around. Hollyfur remembered liking that smell, and the scent it left on her fur when she ran through the bushes, gathering herbs.

Herbs. Hollyfur would have twitched her whiskers happily and purred. Newleaf was the time where all the herbs were growing again, berries on the bushes and leaves of all shapes and sizes growing up from the last bits of the leafbare snow. Each little plant with its own look, smell, feel, and use. She could recite them all by memory, but now didn't seem right for that. Now was the time for waiting in the newleaf-feeling darkness.

Somehow, she understood what that meant now. The darkness felt like fresh herbs, and the smell of rain, dew on the new grass and a breeze through the forest. She didn't even question why she was in this darkness, or how she had got there. It just didn't seem relevant yet. It would, she knew, but not yet.

She was simply in the darkness for a while longer. She didn't sit, or lie down, or stand, she just was. It was if she had no body anymore, just a presence, tranquil in the spreading darkness with only her thoughts to accompany her. Hollyfur had been with these thoughts for quite some while, but it didn't bother her. She waited patiently.

Then, like the first dazzling rays of the sun beaming down at sunrise, Hollyfur was bathed in light. She was now whole, amber eyes, black and ginger patched fur, and stub tail, all there. She moved a bit, flicking her tail and ears and shaking out her paws just to make sure there was nothing wrong. Of course, there wasn't, and she took in her surroundings now that she was sure of her body.

She recognised the area almost immediately. She was in the large bramble bush that was the ThunderClan nursery, standing right beside another cat.

She moved away from the she-cat, wandering around the den. She sniffed a currently empty nest of ferns and moss, taking in the scent she knew as the elder, Sedgeheart. Looking around some more, she found Sedgeheart (who was visibly pregnant) standing beside another she-cat, one that was obviously getting over kitting.

"Deep breaths, Lizardclaw," the cat Hollyfur had stood beside earlier mewed comfortingly. "It's over."

Looking at the cat at a better angle, Hollyfur's eyes widened in realization. The blue eyes, soft gray fur, bold tabby markings, and round, pretty face were hard to miss. "Doveface," Hollyfur breathed. The former medicine cat and her mentor, alive and strangely young, sitting right in front of her.

"Doveface!" called Hollyfur. It was strange to hear her own voice, even stranger now that it sounded so distant, though it was coming from her own mouth.

Doveface didn't respond, she only flicked her tail.

Hollyfur frowned, but didn't try to converse with her mentor again. Instead, she studied the queen, Lizardclaw.

"Mother," Hollyfur said to herself. She perked her ears, now knowing why Doveface didn't hear her. This was just a memory of her past, her and her littermates' birth.

"Congratulations, you have fi-" Doveface stopped abruptly, looking astonished at Lizardclaw, who was nudging a small ginger and white tabby kit.

The torbie queen licked and nudged but the kit didn't move. There was no sign of life in the kit. She didn't remember this kit, but then again, she would have never gotten to know it. In fact, Lizardclaw had never even mentioned a stillborn kit.

"Four. You have four healthy new kits. Three she-kits and a tom," the medicine cat said carefully. "Are you ready to pick names?"

"I'll get you some water, Lizardclaw," Sedgeheart meowed. She had been silent for quite a while, but as long as Hollyfur had known her, she wasn't the talkative type. She waved her brown and white tail as she left out the gap in the bramble den.

Lizardclaw nodded. She didn't seem too fazed by the kit's death, but then again, it had never really lived. And as a medicine cat, Hollyfur knew the high death rate of wild kits. Lizardclaw had been lucky to deliver four healthy kits, let alone carry five kits. Hollyfur quickly glanced outside with an amused twitch of her whiskers. It was newleaf. Which meant the prey and the herbs would be plentiful, and the queen wouldn't have to risk starvation or too much sickness.

"I've picked names," she meowed stoically.

"Not going to give the father a say?" Doveface teased.

Lizardclaw glared at Doveface. "The father didn't get a say in anything. These kits are mine. He doesn't deserve to name them if he abandoned me over them," she growling, lashing her tail slightly.

Doveface looked embarrassed, and glanced away from Lizardclaw's piercing blue gaze. "So, um, names?" Doveface had always been known for forgetting to think before she spoke. Of course, she never really noticed when she was doing it, and got called out often. Especially as an apprentice, Patchwhisker had told Hollyfur when he was still alive.

Lizardclaw nudged the kits as she said their names. I already knew, but I was curious what the stillborn's name had been. "Spiderkit, Rosekit, Spottedkit, and Hollykit."

Doveface flicked her ear. "And the stillborn?" All kits had to be named, even if they were stillborn. That way they had a name to be called by when they went to StarClan.

"Littlekit." It was true, the kit was unnaturally small. Perhaps he would have grown larger, given the time, but his size was most likely the cause of his death in the first place.

"Good names," Doveface purred.

"You can bury him."

The medicine cat looked a bit surprised. Most queens buried their dead kits themselves. "Alright." She picked up the limp body, meowed a muffled goodbye, and left.

Lizardclaw nudged her kits closer to suckle, and they did so without protest. The look on her face was rather loving, considering she hadn't been the most...maternal cat.

Hollyfur couldn't help but look at her kit self, nestled close to Lizardclaw. It looked just like her, but smaller, and her eyes were closed. But the rest couldn't be mistaken. She smiled, twitching her whiskers at her kit self.

Then the memory around her froze. The kits and Lizardfang ceased to move. Even the dust drifting through the rays of sunlight had stopped in midair. Hollyfur gave a short _mrrow_ of confusion, but it didn't surprise her too much. Things were a tad strange today.

Today...but how much time had really passed? There was no way of telling, no sun to guide the day along save for the sun in her memories. It could have been hours, days, months, maybe even just mere seconds since she had awoken in the strange darkness and found her way into her own memories.

It looked like there was nothing more for her here, so she moved on, through the ThunderClan camp.

Hollyfur wandered from den to den, seeing a different scene in each one. In the apprentice den, her and her sister Rosepaw chatting excitedly into the night when they first became apprentices. In the warriors' den, her visiting Spottedcloud after a rough night getting over a fever. Gazing into the cracked rock that was the medicine cat den, she saw her and Doveface scurrying around the den to cure a particularly bad outbreak of kitten cough. Hollyfur smiled, remembering all the tiny coughing kits and having to fend off worried queens. In the elders den, like any apprentice, Hollyfur saw herself (when she was still Hollypaw) cleaning the elders' nests and listening to their stories. And finally, under the Highrock, Hollyfur being declared to the Clan as a full medicine cat of ThunderClan.

She found it strange, seeing herself grow up, but not actually being herself. Just watching from the sidelines, another face in the crowd. And there was something always compelling her, urging her to move on through her memories. So she followed the feeling out of the camp, through more of her memories.

"Form, Hollypaw, form!" she heard Doveface call from the Sandy Hollow. "You may be a medicine cat, but you still need to know how to fight."

Hollyfur walked a little faster, looking at Doveface and herself sparring in the sand. Dust was flying up everywhere, and it was obvious Doveface was winning. She purred at her mistakes, now knowing how obvious they were. "Straighten your spine and boost with your legs," Hollyfur muttered to herself, passing by the training scene.

The ground underpaw shifted to snow, and the soft crunch of her own pawsteps turned into the pawsteps of many.

"Search everywhere!" Hollyfur-or rather, Past-Hollyfur-yowled to the patrol of cats following her. Her dark tortoiseshell fur was flecked with white snowflakes, and her amber eyes blazed with determination. "We need the prey, or ThunderClan loses a leader!"

Hollyfur scowled, watching the warriors fan out to search among the snow. The moon of war, where prisoners were taken and cats were killed in cold blood. Robinstar had been kidnapped in the middle of the night by ShadowClan, and that's when things went too far. Hollyfur couldn't stand by, especially with the lack of healthy warriors.

Hollyfur's look dropped to despair as she remembered the outcome of their desperate search for prey in the bitter leafbare. "No. I'm leaving," she growled to no one in particular, and rushed away from the memory.

Fourtrees. Somehow she was there now, in the middle of a humid and wet greenleaf. Cats were chatting at the end of a gathering, a rather eventless one, Hollyfur remembered. Just new warriors, apprentices, and kits being named and such. She felt a tiny tug at this memory, like she had come to the end of the territory and couldn't continue on, even if she wished.

Looking around, she found her own face among the crowd, sitting beside her apprentice, Wrenstep. The small brown tabby was shifting restlessly, but didn't bother Past-Hollyfur.

Hollyfur walked closer, now standing beside her memory self. She and her apprentice were chatting with the RiverClan medicine cat, Dawnleaf, and her younger apprentice, Minnowpaw. It was just idle chit-chat, not the usual herb talk that was expected. Really, it's as if other cats had no idea that medicine cats did nothing but heal.

Wrenstep suddenly looked alarmed. "Hollyfur..."

"What now?" Past-Hollyfur said, her fur bristling slightly with irritation. "I'm sure it can wait."

"ShadowClan's tails are moving."

"Yes, and their whiskers are twitching too. Now please, let me talk with Dawnleaf."

"But they're moving the _same way_!"

"Wrenstep-"

Past-Hollyfur was cut off as she was flung to the ground. The scent was definitely ShadowClan, but a cat she didn't know.

"And where's ThunderClan's precious healer now?" the cat sneered.

Past-Hollyfur spat dust out of her mouth and tried to throw the cat off, but she was pinned. Fourtrees had erupted into battle by now, and no one was there to come to her aid. "Right here."

Hollyfur only watched silently, unable to do anything but look on in shock.

The cat grinned. "Not for long." Claws came down, neatly slitting the medicine cat's throat with clean slashes.

She let out a few gurgling sounds, choking on her own blood, then she went silent. When the ShadowClan cat got off of her, her body was limp, and her amber eyes clouded.

Hollyfur looked around. Hadn't anybody noticed? Where was Wrenstep?

But then it all hit her. She had just witnessed her own death. Hollyfur was dead.

"Took you long enough to realize."

Hollyfur whipped around to the source of the voice. She was no longer in her memories, but in the same warm darkness as before. But this time, she was still whole, and she wasn't as accepting. A barrage of whos, whens, whys, and hows raced through her head, almost overwhelming her. She had to force herself to look ahead and face the other cat, which became a lot easier once she realized who the cat was.

"Spiderpaw!" Hollyfur meowed excitedly, rushing over to nuzzle her brother.

"It's good to see you again, Hollyfur," he purred.

"Where have you been? You weren't in any of my dreams since...You look older." Hollyfur looked over her brother carefully. It was true, he did look different. He was taller, still lean, but larger. His fur was thicker, more coarse. He still had the same black pelt and the same amber eyes, but now, he had grown.

Spiderpaw looked solemn. "When I was trapped in that snowstorm when we were apprentices, you know I died. That's why I'm here now."

Hollyfur nodded, letting her brother speak before unleashing her barrage of questions.

"I never got to grow up in ThunderClan with you, Rosebloom, and Spottedcloud. So I grew here, in appearance and wisdom. But I'm still your brother, so don't get your fur in a knot over the fact I'm dead."

Hollyfur grinned. He was still the same. "So what are you doing here? This isn't StarClan."

"I'm here to take you to StarClan. Everyone thought it would be...easier to ease you into all this if I helped you along."

"Helped me along with what?"

Spiderpaw sighed. "I thought you'd come to terms with that. This is going to be more difficult than I thought. Come on, we have some talking to do."

Spiderpaw started to walk away, and Hollyfur hurriedly trotted behind him.

"I know you have a lot of questions, but that's going to have to wait. Let me explain a bit, alright?"

Hollyfur flicked an ear, a bit annoyed that she couldn't ask, but nodded.

"First things first. You know how you were walking through all those different scenes? Those were your memories. You get a last glimpse of your life before you move along to the next stage, which would be where we are now. The Path of Stars. I'll get back to that later."

Hollyfur barely had time to give any hint that she was listening. It was enough effort trying to keep up with Spiderpaw's talking and fast walking.

"That final scene? At Fourtrees? That was the last moment of your life. In other words, you were watching your death. That same battle is still going on right now, but you've already died. Someone's probably found that out by now." He paused, his brow furrowed. "I hope."

"And now, like the many cats before you, you're being lead to StarClan by someone close to you. Usually a littermate or parent, but sometimes a friend or Clanmate. Either way, they get to StarClan. So in summary, you died, and now since you were a good cat in your lifetime, you get to live out your afterlife in StarClan until you're forgotten."

Both of them were silent. The darkness grew slightly lighter as they walked, and the ground was softer, like grass, underpaw.

"You can ask questions now," he meowed casually.

Hollyfur tried to calm herself and make a coherent sentence. "Who killed me?"

"Starting off simple, good. His name was Snowtail, just a ShadowClan warrior. A little sadistic, and not the friendliest cat, but a good fighter. Managed to get a mate, Blossomfang."

Hollyleaf felt a shiver through her body, and a voice whispered through her head. "From leafbare and newleaf comes wandering paws that will bring back hope," she repeated.

Spiderpaw purred. "Was that a ShadowClan prophecy?"

"I think so..." She didn't know how, but it felt like it was.

"You'll have to give that to Cloudflower later. You'll get used to giving prophecies, it happens often to the leaders and medicine cats," Spiderpaw explained. "Most just get prophecies from their own Clan, but occasionally they come from others. Good job."

Hollyfur couldn't help but smile, though she was confused.

She shook her head. "Back to questions. What _exactly _happened?" Hollyfur really didn't want to hear the details too much, but there was a part of her that had to know. Things were still hazy...

"ShadowClan and ThunderClan are at war, you know that much, right?" Spiderpaw looked down at her with a cocked head, waiting for her response.

"Yeah, I remember that."

"Do you remember what over?"

It was silent for a bit. "...No."

"Rainpelt, a ShadowClan tom, fell in love with Thrushclaw, a ThunderClan she-cat. They had a short affair, Thrushclaw ended up having kits, which she killed right after they were born. Rainpelt thought that it was his choice whether she was burdened with kits or not, and killed Thrushclaw. From then on, it was all out war. Do you remember now?"

Hollyfur twitched her whiskers thoughtfully. He had given the basics, and now the details were rushing back. She remembered all the injuries to cure, and those who she couldn't save. One of those cats she couldn't save was herself...

"Wait! No!" Hollyfur stopped in her tracks.

Spiderpaw looked back at her curiously. "Keep moving, we have a long way to go. "

"No, I have to go back! ThunderClan needs me, there are so many cats that need my help!" She started to walk briskly in the opposite direction.

"Hollyfur...I was afraid this would happen. You can't go back. What's been done is done." Spiderpaw walked in front of his sister, trying to keep her from moving onward.

"Stop trying to keep me away! My place is down there, with my Clan and my patients."

Spiderpaw growled in irritation. "Everyone said you wouldn't understand. But you have a new path to walk now. A path among the stars."

"And what good is that going to do for my dying Clanmates? How can I help my warriors if I'm stuck up here in Silverpelt?"

"All you can think about is herbs! Have you thought about your own apprentice? Have you given just the tiniest thought about how Wrenstep is feeling right now? How Lizardclaw, Rosebloom, and Spottedcloud are feeling? No, all you're thinking about is how _you_ need to be _there._ You're not thinking about how _they _need to be with _you_, even if it's not physically."

Hollyfur furrowed her brow in shock and confusion. She hated to think Spiderpaw was right, yet every word he spoke was true.

Spiderpaw placed his long black tail comfortingly on Hollyfur's back. "Even if I let you try and go back, you couldn't. You can either go forward from here, or stay here, stuck in lonely darkness. I have to go back to StarClan either way, this is your choice."

It really didn't require much thought. Be alone forever, or see your deceased friends and family and guide your Clanmates from above?

Hollyfur sighed. "Lead the way," she meowed reluctantly.

Spiderpaw walked onward, Hollyfur at his heels. It wasn't going to be easy, but she thought just maybe, she could walk her new path. Her path among the stars.


End file.
